And now, a humor article to hopefully lighten the mood around here somewhat.

What do you do when you find yourself in New Zealand, home of Bungee Jumping (according to them at least)?  Why, you find something very very tall to throw yourself off of of course!  And that's just what my friend Liz and I did when we were in New Zealand back in June of 2004.  The end of our trip had us in Queenstown, site of the first commercial Bungee Jump (once again, according to New Zealand), the Kawrau Bridge jump, just outside of Queenstown overlooking a glacial river.  Here are the essential stats on the jump...

Height: 43 meters (roughly 141 feet)
Jump Options: Since it's over a river, you can have them adjust the jump cord so you will actually go INTO the water.  It was the equivalent of December there though, and it's a GLACIAL river, so I opted out of this

A very important thing to keep in mind is that I am completely and absolutely terrified of heights.  I don't even like climbing the ladder to put up Christmas lights on my parents house.  Tree houses always made me nervous as a kid.  I don't tend to breathe much when riding a rollercoaster either.  Why then, you may ask, would I jump off a bridge 141 feet in the air?  Well, it was all my friend Liz's idea.  She's also terrified of heights, but her reasoning was that we were in New Zealand, and how likely was it that we'd ever be there again?  We should do all the things we wouldn't do back home that we possibly can.  (On our trip we went Whale watching, swam with Dolphins, went to the top of the tallest building in the S. Hemisphere, hiked a rain forrest, saw Hobbiton etc...)  I wasn't sold on the jumping idea at first.  In fact it took her almost the ENTIRE three weeks we were in New Zealand to convince me (she's probably the only person who can convince me to do things I don't want to).  We finally get to Queenstown and have to pre-register for the next days jump.  Once I sign my name and hand over the money, we're committed, no refunds.  My money was gone forever, so I might as well jump. (The jump cost around $150 for two people)

The morning comes.  We walk into Queenstown from the hostel we were staying in to the pick-up location for our ride to the jump site.  I haven't eaten breakfast because I don't think I could keep any food down I'm so nervous.  We get on the bus and ride out to the site.  My legs are shaking so bad that I almost fall when getting out of the bus.  We weigh in, pick our jump order, stash our loose items and head for the bridge.

At this point I'm nearly hyperventilating.

My friend Liz and I, in our state of complete terror decide that it would be better if we got it over with, so we go first (me) and second (her) out of our large group.  I don't think we would have been able to do it if we had waited and watched anyone else jump.  Of course she makes me go first... you know, in case the cord breaks and I die.

I walk up to the platform and they start to do up the webbing rig that's supposed to keep me alive.  They start out by having me sit down with my legs out straight.  They wrap a wet towel around my legs.

Yes, a towel....

At this point, my already paniced mind is doing back flips at this.  How the HELL is a towel going to help keep me from dieing!?  In fact it strikes me that a towel is decidedly LESS safe and must therefore increase my chances of death by head-first plunging into a (shallow) glacial river in the middle of the winter.  I voice my concerns in as nice a way as I can, in as strong and steady a voice as possible.  It came out like this "How the )*&)(#@ is this supposed to keep me safe?" in a voice that cracked at least two or three times. 

Yeah, I was cool calm and collected... So much for impressing the ladies

They rig me up with the rest of the webbing, hook me into the bungee cord and all.  The moment of dread is approaching.  The guy and I then have a brief conversation...

Guy: Ok, now I want you to wiggle your toes out over the edge of the platform.
Me: Over the edge?
Guy: Yeah, just a bit over the edge
Me: As in place part of my foot over the edge.. The only part of my body in solid contact with anything at the moment?
Guy: Yeah.
Me: Right...

So I wiggle out and get my toes over the edge... barely.  Thankfully there is a handle to my right that I can grip and hold onto for dear life.  I figured this high up, with my balance off and my body shaking so much from being so scared, a good breeze might come by and knock me off before I'm ready to go.  So I grab that handle and squeeze.  I think I left marks.   Now, the guy explains that he's going to count down from 5, and at the end he'll yell "Jump!"  In my mind I have a picture of me, dangling by my right arm as my body went over the edge but I couldn't make myself let go of the handle.  Kinda funny, kinda scary... Mostly scary.

Now, before I jump they need to start getting my picture set.  So he points to a camera hanging out in front of me and tells me to wave and make some sort of brave, heroic pose... you know, to impress the ladies.


Me, gripping the handle for dear life, with an "I'm going to die" look as I feebly wave to the camera.  So much for impressing the ladies.

The picture taken, he starts the countdown, and I let go of the handle.  The only thought in my mind right then was "Goodbye cruel world!".  I crouch down a bit because I want to clear the platform and not smash into it.  He counts down. 

5... 4... 3... 2... 1... Jump!

Somehow, I jump.  Well, jump isn't the right word.  Roll might be more descriptive.  You see, I was so scared that when the moment came, my knees gave out and instead of launching, I just sort of fell.

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Me, rolling off the edge.  Not quite as dramatic as I had hoped.  So much for impressing the ladies.

Now, since I rolled off, I didn't have much time to straighten my body out.  Of course 141ft is a pretty short fall if you think about it, so I didn't have time to go straight before I hit the end of the cable.  Oh, did I mention I screamed as I fell?  I say I screamed, however everyone else there (staff, observers, Liz, old people...) says I shrieked like a frightened little school girl.  Well, I'm falling in a half-fetal position, shrieking at a pitch that was probably making dogs for miles nuts, and then I hit the end of the cable.

So much for impressing the ladies.

Remember how I'm falling kinda curled up?

Me, in a half-fetal position as I fall.

What happens when you have something like a piece of string with half of it crinkled up into a ball and you snap it out?  That's right, it snaps out straight very quickly.  That's what my body did.  I'll just leave it at "ow"

So the jump ends, I bounce a few times and out comes the raft to fetch me as I just sort of swing around by my feet.  The guy extends a long PVC pipe for me to grab onto so they can pull me in.  I grab it, and they have to coax me into letting it go.  I'm lying down in the boat with two large guys pinning my shoulders and legs down while another convinces me that they have me and I can't possibly spring back up once I let go.  I let go.

Afterwards on the trip back I chat with an Irish girl who said that after I jumped, it scared her so much she was in tears and almost didn't go.  Not quite how I wanted to impress the ladies.