How do socially inept people meet other socially inept people?
Go to any online forum dedicated to the subject of love, dating or relationships and you'll undoubtedly run across a decent number of self described geeks lamenting the fact that they can't meet anyone, that they can't find a partner that matches them in terms of personality, intelligence or preferences. We all call ourselves “nice guys” and groan about “finishing last”. We all have this ideal of the girl we want, for me it goes something like this:
-Must be geeky...
Non-geeks don't tend to understand geeks very well, and it just causes no end of frustration for both sides. Being a geek implies certain other required traits...
-Not extremely social
When I say this I don't mean must have social phobias or be neurotic around people, I just mean that I don't want someone who is all about going out and partying, or spending every night at a bar. I can hold my own in a social situation just fine, I can go to bars and enjoy myself and survive alright at a party if I know at least one other person there, but these are not activities I enjoy generally. I want a girl who is just as happy as I am to spend the night in, or to go out with a small group of friends from time to time. However, they have to be a bit more social than I am so I have my limits tested and am forced to occassionally talk to other human beings...
-Enjoy some of the geekier things in life...
Computers or computer games, RPGs, comic books, something... anything... I'd like the girl I date to be into something geeky, preferably the same things I am geeky about... It helps to have someone to do the geeky things with, helps even more if it's your S.O so they don't get jealous of time spent with geek friends (especially if those friends include any girls)
-Not completely psychotic...
This is a trait that is hard to detect on first meeting someone. ... but it seems I'm a pro at picking the nutjobs out (last 4 girlfriends have all had some serious mental issues to work out... ). This is made even harder as the truely crazy ones are often the quiet ones... a trait shared by the geek girls... So it's easy to be tricked into picking one of the loonies.
Those are the three main criteria for me... of course attractive would be a nice bonus, but I'm not as hung up on looks as I am on personality and intelligence. This is a similar list to what my other geek friends would like to find, and seems to kinda match what I've seen on online personals sites. The problem here is that those of us seeking this tend to be shy, and generally socially inept... and we're looking for people more or less just like us. How do two shy people who avoid social situations meet? Certainly not in a social situation, and online dating services are questionable at best. Clubs don't tend to work from the guy side of things as they're filled with other geek guys and if any girl is brave enough to show up, they are pounced on by at least a dozen guys within the first few minutes. It's a catch-22 for the male geek. Sometimes we luck out and by random chance and find someone who matches what we're looking for, but more often than not we find something that sorta matches a basic criteria or two (i.e is female, shows interest) and settle for that.
It's a tough spot to be in, being socially inept trying to meet up with someone else who is just as inept, nothing traditional works... you just have to pray for some random luck.