Mommy & Daddy shouldn’t try to get you out of that failing grade…
First off, I’m not a parent. I’m a LONG ways off from having to deal with this situation from that point of view. However, I am a fairly recent college graduate who worked closely with professors and administrators in part time jobs while I attended school so I got to see the system from both student and staff perspectives.
This week, many colleges and universities begin classes nation-wide. Freshmen are flooding into dorms and upperclassmen are returning to apartments and houses for another go-round with classes, parties and football games. For the freshmen, this is a completely new experience. New places, new people, new rules… and no Mom & Dad looking over your shoulder telling you when you have to be home at night or reminding you to do your homework or study. Freedom at last!
Well, maybe not quite.
It seems that in recent years, parents have become increasingly involved in the lives of their student children. Involved to the point where they directly contact teachers and administrators to air grievances over poor grades, a bad roommate or just less-than-idea situations period. Did little Johnny fail his Anthropology midterm? Mom can fix that! How dare you give her angel a bad grade?! She’s sure he tried his hardest and should get points just for that! Who cares if he didn’t get any of the questions right? It’s the thought that counts!
Laugh, roll your eyes, snicker, whatever. That conversation takes place regularly. I’ve seen the emails from parents reaming a teacher for making an exam or assignment “too hard” or demanding too much out-of-class time to finish work. I’ve even seen a student involve his lawyer father because he was CAUGHT CHEATING on a final and didn’t want the instant failing grade, or the judicial affairs information appearing on his transcript. The worst part was the father actually threatened legal action against the professor and the department if his son was failed for it… claiming that it was all a massive conspiracy between the professor and the 5 grad students proctoring the exam.
Parents get involved in dorm room disputes too. Demanding that the other “bad” roommate be evicted, or are simply cheesed-off that their little Pumpkin didn’t get their own room.
Think back to your college days. How many had a difficult teacher? Failed an exam? Had a bad roommate? I’m going to guess everyone who went through college experienced at least one of those (and maybe even all 3 several times over). Now, in days long past, it was expected that the student deal with such conflicts themselves, learning valuable conflict resolution skills, learning to be more independent and so on. Part of the value of college is supposed to be preparation for truly being on your own and having real responsibilities.
Instead, we now have a generation of kids who are used to Mommy & Daddy coming to the rescue over everything, saving them from the consequences of their own actions and making it completely unnecessary to learn responsibility. Most kids I went to school with never had to hold a part-time job as they got ample allowances from their parents. Most were perfectly OK with taking the 7 year path in programs that could easily be accomplished in 4. Most were on the phone with the parents constantly, giving continual updates on classes, exams, bad teachers or whatever, expecting help whenever anything got remotely tough.
At Penn State, parents can not directly access student records. If a parent wants their kid’s report card, the kid has to provide it. This has parents up in arms. Parents also aren’t allowed into the dorms without their kid escorting them. If a kid doesn’t want mom in the building, security can escort them out. This also enrages parents. They don’t realize that these are necessary measures to keep over-involved parents out of the day-to-day lives of the students. How can a student learn to be self-sufficient if their parents are always taking care of everything? Who needs to remember assignments if your Mom is always calling reminding you to do your homework?
Parents toss back the cost of an education as an argument to justify their presence, but they don’t realize that in addition to the classroom education, they’re paying for an intangible education as well, the education that involves learning how to manage time, money, relationships (both good and bad), dealing with conflicts, discovering your alcohol tolerance etc… So on top of classes, you’re also paying for the social education that you can’t provide at home, the experiences that can not be had with Mom & Dad around.
Email, cell phones, instant messaging are all things that have made the situation worse. Parents are in nearly constant contact with their kids today, whereas 10 years ago, it was rare if a kid called home once a week for a few minutes. Parents are more aware of what’s going on in their kids lives than they were before, and for some there’s still the overpowering urge to “parent” and try and smooth the way as much as possible.
Parents don’t realize that there is often more value to be gained from a failing grade than from a grade you didn’t earn that your mom screamed at the teacher for.